Erase My Regrets
by freezethedinosaurs
Summary: on her first day of senior, veronica gets a letter from her future self. twenty seven year old veronica pleads seventeen year old veronica to erase her regrets. one of her biggest with jason dean.
1. Chapter 1

Veronica Sawyer was never one to receive letters. They had phones now— well they were merely attached the walls or used in houses but why write letters when a new source of communication was right there? The 17-year-old asked herself this as she looked at the envelope her mother had given her, "It's for you," she had told Veronica. She flipped over the envelope and her dark hues blinked in confusion as she read the words on the front of the white paper. 'From Veronica Sawyer' was written down in her very own handwriting.

"This has to be a prank," Veronica scoffed to herself as she stuffed the envelope into her backpack. It had to be a joke, hell, Veronica could forge handwriting so that means anybody else could right? It still irked her and protruded her thoughts, what was the letter about? She didn't remember writing a letter to herself, who does that? The teenager decided to put it aside for now, today was the first day of senior year. She wasn't exactly excited about it— it's high school why would she be enthusiastic? Veronica was nothing special in the school's caste system and hung out with her best friend, Martha. She couldn't help but long for the feeling of popularity and attention. The exact feelings the Heathers felt. Heather Chandler, the one who always wore her signature crimson red and was in all honesty, a mythic bitch. Heather Duke, green for her envy of Heather Chandler's power. Then Heather McNamara, yellow for possibly the nicest out of the three. She still did shitty things but seemed to be the Heather that at least held sympathy.

Veronica's envious thoughts were interrupted when the bell rang to signal first period was starting. Ten minutes had passed and it seemed that their teacher wasn't showing up any time soon. Many students cheered and 'whooped' as they began to move around to socialize due to the lack of supervision. Veronica thought it was a reasonable time to observe the mail she had gotten, she assumed it was a letter of some sort. Her hands pulled out the envelope and she opened it up almost eagerly with curiosity.

' _Hello myself from ten years ago, how are you?_ ', was the first sentence that caught Veronica's attention. Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion as she read on. Ten years ago? Was this letter from herself ten years in the future?

"Oh my god," Veronica said under her breath.

' _You must be very confused, I know. But please, listen to this letter. Ten years in the future, I have many regrets that I would like to erase. It starts with the first day of senior year. There is a page for each day. I will list events that happened that day and what I want you to do that I regret not doing/doing. You will understand soon._ ' Veronica's eyes glanced at the bullet points listed below.

 _It's September 1st, 1989. First day of senior year._

 _I wore a floral-like dress, a denim jacket, my flats, and a scarf that I stuffed into my backpack._

Veronica looked down at her outfit and she nearly gasped out loud, the letter was right. It was exactly what she was wearing.

 _Today is the day I become part of the Heathers._

 _I'm now seen as '"the blue one", we became acquainted after saving their asses from Ms. Fleming in the bathroom._

Veronica snorted to herself, "Yeah right. They would never want good ol' Roni in their little clique off theirs." She put the letter away into her backpack once again as the teacher walked in hastily.

The teenager didn't glance at the first task she was asked to do in the letter;

' _I always wondered how things would've ended if I had stayed in the bathroom stall, if I had not forged that hall pass, if I had not gone to the bathroom at all. Maybe my regrets would not be as painful. Do not go to the bathroom during third period.'_

Veronica's eyes never read that request until after school. The teenager had completely forgotten about the letter that was sent to herself that morning and strode over to the school's bathroom during third period. It was the class that seemed to bore her the most, mathematics wasn't in her area exactly. She pushed open the door to a bathroom stall and feminine voices began to ring out as the door of the bathroom opened up. Veronica's eyes widened as she realized the voices were coming from the Heathers who had visited the bathroom to pamper themselves.

"Grow up Heather, bulimia's so '87," Heather Chandler scoffed to the female who had rushed into a stall beside Veronica, vomiting horribly. Veronica's face scrunched in disgust as Heather Duke threw up, the sound echoing throughout the bathroom. Heather McNamara's voice could be heard but it was in a soft and genuine tone, much different from Chandler's tone.

After a few more moments of Duke throwing up, Ms. Fleming and Veronica's face brightened as she heard this, this was possibly her chance to communicate with the powerhouses of Westerburg. She hastily scribbled a 'hall pass', the handwriting matching the yearbook teacher's exactly. Veronica cleared her throat awkwardly as the Heathers and Ms. Fleming turned to face the brunette with surprise. They had not noticed her.

"Uhm, Ms. Fleming! All four of us are out on a hall pass. Yearbook committee," Veronica trailed off as Ms. Fleming examined the piece of paper, glancing at Veronica suspiciously. Heather Chandler eyed her up and down with an expression that Veronica could read as shock or confusion.

"I see you're all listed… hurry up and get where you're going." Ms. Fleming gestured with her hands as she clicked her tongue and stepped out of the bathroom. The note Veronica had forged was instantly snatched from her hands by Chandler who looked at the hall pass, then Veronica, then back. Her dark green eyes settled on Veronica as she held the note in her hand.

"This is an excellent forgery. Who are you?" Heather demanded as McNamara stood behind her almost timidly, Duke soon came beside the two teenage girls.

"Uhm— Veronica Sawyer. I crave a boon."

That was how it all started.

The Heathers gave Veronica the ultimate makeover. She couldn't help but feel like a Barbie doll who was being poked and penetrated by little girl's hands. Veronica reminded herself that they were making her _beautiful_. She would finally be viewed as one of them. Top of the school, powerful, _popular_ , somebody who was worth everybody's eyes. Veronica felt absolutely amazing as she walked out to the school's halls beside the Heathers, clad in a blue blazer along with a very short skirt. Her hands kept fidgeting with the article of clothing for the length made the teenager uncomfortable at the slightest. Although, boys seemed to be interested. It made Veronica's confidence spark as people seemed to cheer for her but a wave of guilt rushed over the brunette whenever she caught a glance of Martha in the corner. Whenever their eyes met, Martha gave Veronica a sweet and kind smile. Veronica always returned it.

When Veronica had arrived at her humble abode later that day, a big grin was plastered on her porcelain face. Her mother was glad to see Veronica in such an enthusiastic mood yet her father eyed her short skirt suspiciously.

"Veronica, where'd you get that?" He had asked which lead to Veronica rolling her dark hues that were very much similar to her father's.

"Relax dad, I made new friends. This is the new thing!" Veronica exclaimed with a giggle. Her father's eyebrows shot up as the teenager bounced up the stairs to her room.

"Honey, she never giggles. Hell— I've only heard her giggle when she was a baby," her father told his wife with a worried expression.

"She's a girl, Robert. Let her be," Veronica's mother said with a smile as she placed her hand on Veronica's father's shoulder. He was always protective over his little girl.

Veronica sighed as she overheard this reaction but the grin never left her face. It was a beautiful day. It truly was. Her hands rummaged through her bookbag and they grabbed ahold of the envelope that was now creased and folded at the edges. She threw off her blazer and delicately placed it on the edge of her bed. Veronica pulled out the multiple papers from the white envelope and she furrowed her dark brows as she read the last bit of the letter that had today's date on it. Veronica hadn't seen that exact part before shoving it into her bag. She chewed on her bottom lip as she thought to herself, this was what happened to herself ten years in the future, right? If she had asked Veronica not to go to the bathroom; it meant she had become a Heather. Veronica was conflicted about whether she should listen to the words inked on the paper, it could've been some stupid practical joke. Her eyes flicked back to the bullet points listed and she cursed mentally, it couldn't have been a prank if the events listed actually occurred.

" _Today is the day I become part of the Heathers."_

" _I'm now seen as '"the blue one", we became acquainted after saving their asses from Ms. Fleming in the bathroom."_

That had all happened at school, Veronica realized. She was now apart of the Heather's and Chandler had 'assigned' her the color blue. It didn't make sense and simply wasn't logical. How would herself ten years from now send a letter to the past? Veronica groaned and flopped onto the bed, laying an arm across her face in distress. Maybe it was best to follow the letter's commands and requests. She remembered the whole purpose for the goddamn thing. It was to erase her future self's regrets.

"What will I regret?" Veronica said under her breath and she sat up hastily, picking up the rest of the paper. There were at least ten sheets of the white material, sweet Jesus. What if she looked ahead…? Her fingers skimmed the edges of the paper cautiously, would it affect anything? "Fuck it," she cursed out and read the date in the left hand corner on the next paper. Veronica raised an eyebrow in confusion, it had skipped 3 weeks.

Shit, had she lost some of the letters? Three weeks worth of warnings and requests from her future self? Veronica picked up the inked paper and her eyes skimmed the words effortlessly.

 _You're probably freaking out over how it suddenly skipped three weeks ahead. This was intended, Veronica. Nothing was lost. I promise._

Veronica sighed in relief as she continued to glance at sentences, barely getting the context from skipping over paragraphs and bullet points. Although, one sentence stood out to her.

 _Today is the day Jason Dean walked into my life._


	2. Chapter 2

Jason Dean. Who was he? Veronica stared at the name written on the piece of paper that seemed the be wrinkled on the edges. She could've sworn there were tear marks. There were dots scattered around the paper where the color of the paper had faded from the tears hitting the paper. What was so special about this Jason Dean?

 _The young woman sat at her desk, her chocolate hues staring out the window and blinding herself with the bright sunlight shining through. It was a beautiful day and Martha invited her over to go out and shop, possibly head over to the park and grab some lunch. She agreed to do so._

 _Veronica had turned down Harvard, Duke, and even Brown. She felt that it was best to go to a community college somewhere close to Sherwood. After everything she'd been through, she felt that maybe she didn't deserve to go to a superior university._

 _They were_ accidents _for fucks sake. She didn't mean to give the cup to her best friend yet worst enemy, she didn't know they were real bullets, she didn't want to watch_ him _blow up. Veronica curled up at night even ten years later from those accidents, shrinking in on herself and cursing her thoughts. If all that bullshit hadn't happened, would she be happy?_

 _Oh Martha. Veronica to this day still felt guilty for her wrongdoings towards Martha, her best friend since diapers. How would she do something like that? Veronica had craved to be like the Heathers yet to only kill the supreme leader. Although, she had forgiven Heather McNamara. The sweetheart stuck with Veronica during her rough times and Martha had soon come to love the Heather. They seemed to be the best of friends and Veronica, Heather, and Martha always tuned into the Princess Bride on Friday nights. Heather was busy today and Veronica couldn't blame her. They were adults now. They grew up. Veronica's regrets grew with her._

 _Her eyes looked down to the dozens of papers scattered on her desk. She tried her best to listen to her counselor who still believed that Veronica was merely affected by the 'suicides' and death of her boyfriend._

" _You like to write poems right? Maybe writing down your thoughts and feelings will help." Veronica's counselor had told her. She must've thought it was silly how Veronica needed help even after ten years._ Ten years. _She tried to write poems but always turned to her diary. The poems reminded her too much of the 'baudelaire-quoting-bad-ass'._

 _Instead, Veronica picked up her pen and slid one of the pieces of paper closer. She sighed and wrote the first few letters that she had written in weeks._

" _ **September 1st, 1989"**_

The past three weeks were amazing for Veronica. The Heathers took her shopping but many snarky comments about Veronica's wardrobe were thrown around. They had came over to Veronica's house and threw out anything that "looked like an 80 year old woman's clothing", Heather Chandler's words. Now her drawers and closet were filled with short skirts, revealing dresses, blouses, and blazers. At least they were some shade of blue.

She had nearly forgotten about the letter she was sent on the first day of school. It was when she was digging through her desk's drawers and the crumpled envelope caught her eye. Veronica pulled out the first paper in the envelope and read the date.

" _ **September 22nd, 1989"**_

"Oh yeah, it skipped the past three weeks," Veronica said to herself as she read on. What would happen today? The sense of familiarity washed over Veronica as she read the first bullet point.

 _Today is the day Jason Dean walked into my life._

Veronica bit her lip and glanced at the other bullet points. He must be important if she had to point the fact out in her letter.

 _The Heathers ask you to forge a note from Ram Sweeney. It's for Martha._

 _I let them give the note to Martha out of pressure. I was against the idea but Duke snatched it out of my hands._

She furrowed her eyebrows. Shit, she would forge a note in Ran's handwriting? Martha has been crushing on the dickhead ever since kindergarten. Martha and Veronica weren't exactly the closest of friends anymore due to Veronica joining the Heathers but she wouldn't want to hurt Martha. It would crush her if she found out it wasn't from Ram himself.

 _I want you to instantly tell Martha that it isn't from Ram politely. If she feels bad about it, be there for her. One of my biggest regrets is hurting her, Veronica. Please. It will cause a lot less damage than what happened if I hadn't told her._

The thing with these letters that bugged Veronica was the longing and curiosity of what would happen if she didn't follow these requests. Her life probably would have gone the way it was supposed to. "No, you have to erase your future selves regrets," Veronica reminded herself as she clutched the letter in her hands.

 _You'll meet Jason Dean after this happens. You'll also be going to Ram Sweeney's homecoming party with the Heathers. I don't regret going. Go and have fun._

 _You're no longer a virgin._

Her eyes widened at the last bullet point. Holy shit, Veronica had never really thought of sex. Well, she had. Heather Chandler told her to consider it now that she was apart of the group that most horny high schoolers looked up to and fantasized about. Hell, her mother even suggested to have Veronica on the pill. She reluctantly allowed it just in case. The letter didn't specify who she'd lose her v-card to, great.

It was a bit exciting to know, if she had to be honest. To be a part of the Heathers you should have fun and go wild at parties right? Hitting third base just might be the best thing she'll ever experience. And it was.

At lunch, Heather Chandler requested— no, demanded Veronica to forge a note to Martha in Ram's handwriting. Veronica went along with this, the note said nothing about not forging the note. She was told to talk to Martha after giving the note. Veronica let things play out, instinctively getting defensive and very much intimidated as Heather Chandler threatened her.

"I let you into this candy store, you can't just run out with all the goods in your hand can you?" Heather had asked her with a scoff and death glare. All that was set on Veronica's mind was to follow the letters words.

The Heathers were preoccupied with Kurt and Ram. Veronica saw this as her chance to tell Martha about the stupid letter and how it was forged. Martha was a forgiving person, even present day Veronica knew this. In third grade, Veronica had broken one of Martha's favorite unicorn toys which had Martha cry for hours. After all the tears, Martha still forgave Veronica. Roni could only hope it was the same case in senior year. She was little ways down the hall until a voice spoke to her.

"Why'd you bow down to those swatch dogs and diet coke heads? They'll crush that poor girl," an almost bored tone was evident in the person's voice. Veronica stopped reluctantly as she watched Martha enthusiastically bounce down the hall. She turned her head and her eyes caught the dark brown hues of a teenage boy leaning against the wall.

She blinked and cleared her throat, glancing back at Martha who was now merely a figure in the distance and back to the male. "That's what I'm trying to fix right now," Veronica huffed out as she crossed her arms.

"Ah, so you have a soul. Just gotta work on keeping it pure," he said with a smug smirk as he pushed himself off the wall. Now standing up straight, Veronica noticed the great height difference between them. She was merely five foot three, he had to be at least six feet. "'We are all born marked for evil,'" the man said as he 'booped' Veronica's nose softly. He began to walk away from the teenage girl until Veronica spoke, clearly smitten.

"Excuse me— don't just quote Baudelaire then walk away. I uh… didn't catch your name," Veronica said as she cracked a small smile towards the male.

"I didn't throw it," he returned the smile but his seemed to have the 'bad boy smugness' behind it. Veronica's mouth went agape as she blushed to herself, the teenage boy now walking away from her as she was clearly swooning over him.

"Oh shit, Martha!" Veronica reminded herself and she scurried down the hall to find the girl clad in the familiar pink unicorn sweater. She finally spotted Martha sitting outside of the school on the bench, the letter in her hands and a huge grin plastered on her face. It almost made Veronica stop in her tracks and debate with herself if this was what she should truly do. Martha was happy. Then she remembered what the letter had said, it was better than what Martha would experience if Veronica hadn't done anything. Veronica walked over to the teenage girl on the bench, a smile formed by the curl of her lips.

"Hey Martha," she said softly as she sat beside her on the bench. Martha turned her head away from the piece of paper and an expression of giddiness was clear on her features.

"Oh hi Veronica. You truly are looking beautiful these days," she commented and gestured to Veronica's outfit. Veronica gave her a nod and laughed lightly.

"Same me, I swear. Uhm, could we talk?" Veronica asked timidly as she scratched the back of her ear. She wondered how to put her words together and most definitely how Martha would react.

"Sure, what about?"

"Ah, about that." She gestured towards the paper in Martha's hands. Veronica took a deep breath and delicately took Martha's hand. "That note… wasn't written by Ram. I forged it. The Heathers wanted me to but I didn't want to give it to you. They had me writing it before they told me it was for you. I'm sorry, Martha. It's better than going to the party when you weren't really invited right?" Veronica flinched at her own words. They had came out politely and softly but it still had a sense of rudeness. She watched as Martha's face fell and she looked down at the letter, her eyes scanning the handwriting.

"Oh. So… Ram didn't write this? He doesn't think about me?" Martha asked in a disappointed tone. Veronica instantly felt sorry for the emotions her words had inflicted. She straightened up and quickly shook her head.

"No no, Martha. He could still have the same feelings for you. It's just that this letter— it wasn't true. Please, I'm warning you. Don't go to the homecoming party. I do not want them to hurt you, Martha." Veronica pleaded and Martha sighed, a sad smile then formed on her face.

"Okay, I won't," she said with a small nod of her head. Veronica hugged her but it didn't feel like the ones they shared before. This one seemed more distant.

"I promise I won't miss out on next week's movie night. I'll find some way to come over," Veronica reassured her friend but she couldn't promise anything when it came to friends especially now that she was with the Heathers.

Martha was about to speak until the sounds of students yelling and cheering rang out from inside the school. It was that loud that you could hear from the courtyard outside of school. Martha and Veronica both looked over at the doors of their high school. They glanced at each other and nodded, both beginning to run over to the doors of the school and they pushed them open to find the teenage boy Veronica was talking to being harassed by Kurt and Ram.

Veronica pushed through the crowd and Martha stood by in the back of the crowd, not wanting to get involved. Although, she was worried about Ram even if he was a dickhead to most people. Martha saw the good in him.

Veronica somehow got through the crowd and was now in the front. She didn't want to interfere but she knew it could get ugly with Kurt and Ram. Suddenly, the male in the big, old, black trench coat smacked Ram in the face with the dense book her had been reading. The 'ooh'ed as this happened and the Heathers watched with wide eyes and mouths open agape as their regular boy toys began getting their ass kicked. As Veronica watched the Baudelaire-quoting-bad-ass teach the two jocks a lesson, she couldn't help but feel a sense of respect and admiration. Her eyes couldn't leave the man as he punched Ram straight in the face. Everybody seemed to be cheering and whooping but all Veronica could do was stare dumbfoundedly with a huge grin on her face. The brunette asked herself, would this boy fight for her? He seemed to capture her heart and sights by punching some jackass in the face which did not happen often. Veronica and the crowd of students watched as Ram felt to the floor in defeat and Kurt tried to take a swing at the trench coat kid. He failed miserably.

She watched in astonishment as the boy took Kurt's head in his hands and bashed their heads together, no sign of pain on his face whatsoever but with Kurt it was a different story. Teachers and staff had come out to the scene and were trying to push through the crowd of teenagers to see what was going on. By the time the principal had gotten to the front, Kurt was on the floor, clearly in pain. "Holy shit!" The students had yelled out as the victorious winner stood up, running a hand through his hair. Veronica's eyes followed him and watched as he was dragged away from the crowd. The principal did not seem happy at all.

Was this Jason Dean?


End file.
